Boys?

I've often thought of myself as a girly girl, I like to wear make up and I think its fun to shop. When I found out I was pregnant I would have SWORN that I was having a girl each time. I'm not exactly sure why but I envisioned little dresses, hair clips and baby dolls. I thought about playing dress up and teaching a little girl what it is to be a girl. Then it happend, out came a baby and the doctor announced that, "Its a boy!". I wasn't quite sure what to do with that, so I asked, "What did I have? Did you say a boy?". I wasn't prepared for having a boy, not ready for what it all entailed and yet here I am, mother of TWO boys. When Jack was born, AGAIN I asked, "Are you sure? A boy?". Its not that I was dissapointed but its that when you don't know what your having (boy or girl), your mind plays games with you as you try to figure out what is inside. Boys are a whole different breed, I am in awe of the amount of energy that can come from such small bodies. Just when I think I've done an activity that will "knock them out for the afternoon" they run laps around the house. We speak dinosaur and dragon, sword fight and wrestle. We throw anything small enough to fit in our hand and find such entertainment in using one object to hit another (bat and ball, stuffed animal and blocks). If someone would have told me that I was going to have two little boys, I'm not sure what I would have thought. There might have been a little fear, so maybe its a good thing I didn't know what I was getting myself into either time.

I may not have been prepared for what it was to be a mother to boys but God shaped me through it. I now know how fun it can be to just run in circles or build a train track to fill our toyroom. Being a mom to boys is better than I could have ever imagined. Its almost like God knew what was best for me, knew that I wasn't quite ready emotionally to handle little girls so He gave me boys to "prepare the way". Now I dream of when my kids can play sports and camping adventure trips. I've become a different person since having my boys and I like myself better because of it. Today we talked about self esteem with my Mom to Mom group and I think its something that we all struggle with. Trying to figure out where we fit in the world, what role we are supposed to play and asking ourselves, "do we fit in?". Sometimes its not going to be a natural fit, its like shoving a block that is a circle into a square hole. If we set who we are as being a certain way, setting it in stone that we can't change, we won't fit. BUT if we allow ourselves to be flexible, softening our edges (lets envision some playdoh here), a circle can fit into the square hole. Softening our edges, our attitudes, our hearts we can enter into a place with others that we feel like we fit. I've noticed that people with very strong opinions tend to only get along in certain crowds of people, people that think like them. When they are surrounded by people that they don't necessarily agree with, theres often conflict. God softened my edges when He placed beautiful baby boys in my arms, softening my heart and allowing me to become a mother that loves having her boys. There is a book called "I love you forever", if you haven't read it, what kind of childhood did you have? Just kidding, but you should probley go out and get the book from somewhere and be prepared to cry as you read it. The line that repeats itself throughout the book is "I love you forever, I like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be." At the end of the book, the son crawls across the floor, scoops up his elderly mother and rocks her and tells her, "I love you forever, I like you for always, as long as I'm living, my mommy you'll be." My prayer as a mother of boys is that I express love to them enough that they feel good about who they are. That my boys feel secure in themselves but "soft around the edges" that they would accept others for who they are as well.

As I write this I listen to sounds of the boys in the toyroom. Occassional screams, alot of banging and Devon just told Jack, "I'm not happy with you. Don't be sassy to me!" Jack's response, "No! Naughty!"... I think its time for naps...

"From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere..." 

<3 Rose